My first husband died eleven years ago, on the morning of December 23, 2010. In the days to follow, I released this personal account of his final hours, the story I must write. Please be advised, these paragraphs are graphic, detailed, personal, and mine. Read with caution, respect, and care. These words hold my very […]
I have this theory. It's tested but unproven, and I'll never know if it's true as long as I'm on this side of heaven. But in all the ways that theories come to be, I believe I hold a solid contention. My theory is this. When you lose someone you love, when they get to […]
Sometimes it’s fitting to revisit the best truths. Today seems like a day for the best and the truths. This story is three years old, and it still holds my entire heart. * * * * Tyler learned to ride his bike this week. I thought he already knew how. I thought we did this […]
Good Friday. It's the day of sadness and loss. If your heart is broken, this day may be far more relatable than Sunday. There are many of you whom I am carrying in my heart, those grieving the loss of a person, a promise, a dream, an idea, a hope. You're the ones left behind […]
It was a February day When your dad came by, before going away A U-Haul truck in the driveway The day it was suddenly real I told you not to come outside But you saw that truck And you smiled so wide A real live truck in your driveway We let you sit behind the […]
Saturday was Robb’s birthday, so we went to Red Robin to celebrate and remember. Because Bottomless Root Beer Floats. “We’re here to celebrate,” I told the waiter. “Oh, is it a birthday?” “A very special one.” Peter was gone for the weekend at a men’s conference, so there were only three of us at the […]
On the day that Robb died, my mom’s phone became Grief’s Grand Central Station. She spent the whole day on the phone, letting people know what had happened, updating people on what would happen next, and fielding travel arrangements from friends and family all over the country who were immediately routing their holiday flights unexpectedly […]
Hi, Robb, I'm a wife. Again. I've written to you lots over the last five-and-a-half years, over our two thousand days apart, nearly half the number of days we ever had together. Today marks a new day, a new letter. I'm Mrs. Trish Heyer now. (Pronounced "Higher.") The world often asks me about my name, what […]
I am reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It’s a revolutionary approach to decluttering where instead of clearing one room or one space at a time, you choose a category to sort and purge. Like all of the shirts or jeans or boots or socks or beach towels. You bring them all to […]
Words are living things in my imagination. Some of them are bubble cartoon fonts or rigid block letters or splashy red glitter words written in paint that drips. December 22... This day is written with a gentle script, a lower case d. There are two days of remembering. Robb's life ended over two days: the […]
Falling in love is a little bit terrifying. And sometimes a lot bit. Remember that story of the morning when Robb died? Remember how the paramedic came into the kitchen, and he said, “Ma’am, are you his wife?” and I said yes, and he said, “We are going to need to tell you he has […]
“Mom, I just have one question.” He was in the backseat of the car, still consistently the safest place for such fodder. I suspect there is something exponentially safer about hard topics when Mom’s eyes are occupied with the road and other drivers. “Ask me as many as you want, buddy.” “Will you still love […]
I have a photo of the Last Halloween. The boys are five and three years old, and they are dressed as Power Rangers, green and blue. Robb is dressed as a member of the Ohio State Marching Band, and I, having simply snatched my wedding veil off the wall of our bedroom, am dressed as […]
I cannot speak for all of us who have lost someone. But I do think I can speak for most of us. I love to hear your memories of the one I loved who isn't here anymore. There will be no new memories, so yours feels like a gift to me. If you remember something, say it. […]
I found this little ditty hiding in the archives. Look at this very sweet story. * * * Robb was traveling. Let's start there. After dinner and playtime at Chick Fil A, showers (which are no longer baths and also new evidence God's goodness in my life), we settled in for the last part of […]
My mind does funny things when I'm folding laundry. It's like all these little blends of cotton evoke some kind of memory train. In her book, Nineteen Minutes, Jodi Picoult opened with a list of things that can happen in the course of nineteen minutes. Among these, she wants us to see that a high […]
On a day with so few words, this poem offers the perfect ones. Happy birthday, Robb.
Fifteen years. That’s a lot of years. This would have been a milestone anniversary for us, I like to think. Our pattern was to celebrate bigger on the fives. This feels like a bigger anniversary because it also means that I’ve now ‘celebrated’ half as many anniversaries without him as I ever had with him. How […]
Robb and I were in our twenties, and our children were merely a far-away-maybe-someday hope. It was just the two of us on a little tiny vacation to Breckenridge, our favorite mountain town. There is a mountain river that rushes through the town, with a bridge over it, grassy banks on either side, and stepping […]
The subject of this blog post asked that I take it down based on the personal backlash he has received. I have chosen to edit the post accordingly, since he had no idea what he was stepping into. What a weird and terrible day for my heart. Many of you watched it unfold on the interwebs. Throngs […]
