I changed my cover photo on Facebook. It had been a picture of Peter and me enjoying ice cream cones while the boys were at camp, since we seem to be on a mission to have ice cream every blessed day of this summer. Sprinkle cones notwithstanding.
I scrolled through my options. I could choose a picture of Peter and me at a Rockies game. One of the four of us leaping into the air in front of the Pacific Ocean. One of us outside Disneyland. I mean, the choices are endless, really. And then I found The One.
It's from our wedding day, about an hour after we were married. I am standing in my white gown with my beautiful bouquet of daisies and roses, and Peter is standing behind me, watching me.
The truth is, it's not the best picture of me. My hair is a little tarbled, not quite the perfection it had been earlier that morning. And my shoulders are hunched over, making me look a little more round and soft around the edges than I'd prefer. And my strapless dress is starting to droop, needing a little adjusting and restructuring. I want to reach into the photo and fix it. Still, I chose that picture.
That picture captures everything I thought was gone forever: laughter and love. My head is thrown back in laughter, and Peter is watching me with so much love. (I don't remember what I was laughing about, but I guarantee it's something he said just loud enough for me to hear.)
Laughter and love. Those are two commodities I wondered if I would ever, ever know again. And in that instant, on that day, they are all mine. That's why I chose the picture.
Because some things are more beautiful than filters and cheekbones and slimming effects.
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In other news, my son asked me, "Mom, can I get this for Peter for Father's Day? It's a hammer that says, 'Thanks for nailing mom.'"
"Why can't I? What does it mean?"
"It's… just no."