“Do you have any other concerns you’d like for me to take a look at?” the doctor asked. We were there for a well-child checkup, and that’s your one chance to cover everything.

“Yes, I’m a little curious about his hearing.”

“Do you want me to refer him to a hearing specialist?”

“Oh, I thought you could do one here.”

“I mean, we could, but it’s a pretty lame test. If he can hear at all, he’ll pass the test. What are your concerns?”

“Well, he needs the TV at a pretty loud volume. Surprisingly loud, sometimes.” I think of the things I’ve read about headphones and hearing damage and all the red flags.

“That sounds to me like testicular induced hearing loss.”

Um, what kind? I’ve never heard of this. My face must have shown the question mark.

He explained. “Testicle induced hearing loss. That sounds like the kind of volume preferences that are common among anyone with testicles.”

He winked at me. Knowingly.

He looked at my son. “Tell me about the TV situation. Are you playing a video game? You want to hear the tank drive through and rattle your bones? Something like that?”

My son answered, “Well, like during the Olympics. Everybody just kept talking, and I wanted to hear the game over their voices.”

Doc winked at me again. “Yep. Testicle induced. He’s probably just fine.”

How I love realists.
And people who understand kids.
Especially mine.

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