Well, this is awkward.

And if you’re in the throes of raising virtuous little girls who would never do this, then read with caution.

Peter and I decided to tackle a family challenge this year: the four of us will work together to memorize a verse from every book of the Bible throughout 2018.

We will take turns, working our way through the Bible and the weeks of the calendar. There are 66 books and 52 weeks, so sometimes we will double up. This week, we are working on a verse from Exodus and Leviticus. At the end of the week, everyone who has memorized it can sign the back of the card.  We are posting our collection of verses in the dining room, and at the end of the year, every verse they’ve memorized is worth a dollar to me.

When it’s your week, you get to choose the verse. Since we believe that there are no bad verses in the Bible, that all of them are put there for a reason, then when it’s your turn you get the choice to lead our family in the verse you’ve chosen.

This is Tucker’s week.

With all of that said, I present to you the verse we are memorizing together.

Yep.  You read the correctly.

“You must not offer to the Lord an animal whose testicles are bruised, crushed, torn, or cut.”  Leviticus 22:24

Okay, so. I said to them, “Guys, if we’re going to memorize this one, then tell me this. What is the lesson in this verse? What can we be thankful for?”

I have to be honest, I was fishing for answers. I was looking for words like grace. I was looking for somebody to say how great it is that Jesus gave himself for us so we don’t have to sacrifice animals and obey hundreds of laws on a daily basis.

“We can be thankful… that our balls aren’t bruised or crushed or torn or cut.”

“True…. Anything else?”

“Ice your balls.”


“Sorry, Mom.  It’s true, though.”

“Yes. Is there anything to learn from this verse, if we’re going to commit it to memory?”

“Well, back then, animals were like money. And God wants the best of what we have, not our leftovers. So God didn’t want people to give him things that were useless. Or, you know. Bruised.”

Sure, yes. I’ll take that. First fruits and whatnot.

There is a lot of talk about testicles at our house this week. Including bedtime prayers. “God, I promise not to give you bad testicles.”

Well. Amen and Amen.

I do think Leviticus 22:24 is solidly in place in their memory.

For the next 50 weeks, the word ‘testicles’ is hanging in my dining room.


(And I live in a frat house.)

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