January 10, 2018

Testicles.

Well, this is awkward.

And if you're in the throes of raising virtuous little girls who would never do this, then read with caution.

Peter and I decided to tackle a family challenge this year: the four of us will work together to memorize a verse from every book of the Bible throughout 2018.

We will take turns, working our way through the Bible and the weeks of the calendar. There are 66 books and 52 weeks, so sometimes we will double up. This week, we are working on a verse from Exodus and Leviticus. At the end of the week, everyone who has memorized it can sign the back of the card.  We are posting our collection of verses in the dining room, and at the end of the year, every verse they've memorized is worth a dollar to me.

When it's your week, you get to choose the verse. Since we believe that there are no bad verses in the Bible, that all of them are put there for a reason, then when it's your turn you get the choice to lead our family in the verse you've chosen.

This is Tucker's week.

With all of that said, I present to you the verse we are memorizing together.


Yep.  You read the correctly.

"You must not offer to the Lord an animal whose testicles are bruised, crushed, torn, or cut."  Leviticus 22:24

Okay, so. I said to them, "Guys, if we're going to memorize this one, then tell me this. What is the lesson in this verse? What can we be thankful for?"

I have to be honest, I was fishing for answers. I was looking for words like grace. I was looking for somebody to say how great it is that Jesus gave himself for us so we don't have to sacrifice animals and obey hundreds of laws on a daily basis.

"We can be thankful… that our balls aren't bruised or crushed or torn or cut."

"True…. Anything else?"

"Ice your balls."

"Guys."

"Sorry, Mom.  It's true, though."

"Yes. Is there anything to learn from this verse, if we're going to commit it to memory?"

"Well, back then, animals were like money. And God wants the best of what we have, not our leftovers. So God didn't want people to give him things that were useless. Or, you know. Bruised."

Sure, yes. I'll take that. First fruits and whatnot.

There is a lot of talk about testicles at our house this week. Including bedtime prayers. "God, I promise not to give you bad testicles."

Well. Amen and Amen.

I do think Leviticus 22:24 is solidly in place in their memory.

For the next 50 weeks, the word 'testicles' is hanging in my dining room.

 

(And I live in a frat house.)

16 comments on “Testicles.”

  1. I just love boys..yes, and you may live there, but you'll never be a member, thank God!

  2. Boy, did I ever need this today. I can't stop laughing either, but then I realized you weren't maybe laughing. You are fantastic parents doing a fantastic job of raising God hearing and fearing sons.

  3. there's room in this one... Give God your best....and make sure to save the best for your someday wife... ahh the joy of boys!

  4. And at some point, you KNOW they will bring you a pair of hairy blue balls connected by a chord, because... Blue balls. SMH (I do know this happened.) #notme

  5. Hahahaha!!! Best laugh of the day!! I'm glad to know my son isn't the only one who says "balls" and laughs. Oh my.

  6. I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. My 2-year -old son is enamored of how soft his scrotum is and tells me often. And I recently heard my 5-year-old daughter tell him that she was jealous because having a penis looks like a lot of fun. Keeping it real. ????????❤️

  7. Just shared that with Daniel, who is 14. We both laughed. Heartily, I might add.

  8. Maybe it's a good thing that my parents, who begat four boys as well as me (the only girl) weren't that deep into the Bible. My father, a traditional, conservative man, would have been severely embarrassed by such a thing. (He would have swallowed hard, however, and dealt with it.)

    (In my current novel-in-progress, I have my 13-year-old secondary character reporting on the TV-evangelist Jim Bakker scandal (mid-1980s) for his current events/social studies school assignment. His mother wonders one minute how badly he'll embarrass himself, and the next applauds her son for his clever effort to win a good grade by appealing to the prurient interest of both teacher and classmates.)

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