It is Wedding Week. I am in the last seven days of one of the most sacred seasons of my life.
I am ‘between beds’ like some people are ‘between jobs’ or ‘between relationships.’ We’ve moved the Single Girl’s Bed out, but the Married Couple’s Bed hasn’t arrived yet. So I’m sleeping on a mattress on the bedroom floor, and my boys are in their sleeping bags on each side of me. Only seven more sleeps for the three of us alone in this house.
It feels like a tangible, beautiful ending and a big, beautiful beginning, somehow all at once. I know I’m in that sacred place where time stands still and everything matters.
Dorothy Parker was once quoted and often repeated, “I hate writing, but I love having written.” Glennon Doyle Melton, whose writing I am pursuing in a crazed, fiendish frenzy of swallowing whole, said, “I don’t love parenting, but I love having parented.”
I think this is gloriously exactly how I would describe this season, the one that will end in about 150 hours.
I didn’t love single parenting. But I love that I single parented.
I didn’t love the long, hard nights, months, weeks, days, minutes. But I love that I survived each one.
I didn’t love being the only one who could love these children this much. But I loved the sacred privilege and the endless deepening of my heart.
I didn’t love the sleeplessness. But I loved the reasons I was so tired.
I don’t love that I have wrinkles. But I love aging gracefully and with good stories.
I hate that I was widowed. But I love wearing that badge: a satin heart torn, repaired with gold stitching.
I hate that I had to do this season, ever and at all. But I love that I lived it with every cell in my being.
There is a tangible end in sight, and a beautiful beginning.
* * *
A friend wrote this to me this morning, and I want to read these most beautiful words every day until they become part of me, as all of this has become part of me.
Happy Wedding Week! This week will blow by. Soon you will be on a honeymoon, getting to know your husband in a thousand beautiful ways. So don't let the week blow by. Get drunk on the lovely of it all. Let the joy and excitement and conversations around you absorb into your pores and nourish your soul.
Remember to take deep breaths, not to calm yourself down, but rather so that years from now, the slightest hint of a similar scent will help your mind recall the aroma of love surrounding you this week.
This moment belongs to you. It can never be taken away—not ever, Tricia. This is your glorious YES from God.
So my prayer for you is, starting today, that time slows down for you and it is all just magical.
I love you sister.
Good night, beautiful world.
Tonight, I'm in love with all that you've given me.