The thing is, I’ve lived a very, very sad story for the last five years. I’m crying today because it’s still sad.
No matter what else is true, is coming true, will later be true, that story I lived is still true.
Five years later, it unfolds in movie scenes. You know how it is… You watch a movie for an emotional experience. Romantic comedy, love story, suspense, drama, comedy, family classics. You decide what you’re in the mood for, and you commit to that experience.
Today, my mind plays the movie that always makes me cry. It’s the movie reel of the last five years. I could turn it off, look away, and barrel through this day with lists and tasks and traditions old and new.
A sign of true healing in the traumatized brain is when the ‘victim’ can relive the story with the awareness that the story happened, not that the story is still happening. It’s a very different process involving new neuropathways and memory files in the gigs of the brain. But when you can say, “Yes, it happened,” when you can recall the memories like a movie reel instead of an active, living trauma, then you can know your heart is healing.
There is tremendous beauty in watching those scenes, now from a distance.
I choose to watch the movie. It still makes me cry.