The Choice To Watch the Movie
The thing is, I’ve lived a very, very sad story for the last five years. I’m crying today because it’s still sad.
No matter what else is true, is coming true, will later be true, that story I lived is still true.
Five years later, it unfolds in movie scenes. You know how it is… You watch a movie for an emotional experience. Romantic comedy, love story, suspense, drama, comedy, family classics. You decide what you’re in the mood for, and you commit to that experience.
Today, my mind plays the movie that always makes me cry. It’s the movie reel of the last five years. I could turn it off, look away, and barrel through this day with lists and tasks and traditions old and new.
Or, I could watch the movie.
A sign of true healing in the traumatized brain is when the ‘victim’ can relive the story with the awareness that the story happened, not that the story is still happening. It’s a very different process involving new neuropathways and memory files in the gigs of the brain. But when you can say, “Yes, it happened,” when you can recall the memories like a movie reel instead of an active, living trauma, then you can know your heart is healing.
There is tremendous beauty in watching those scenes, now from a distance.
I choose to watch the movie. It still makes me cry.
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Sandy marthaler says:
Hugs to you!
Kristin Davis says:
I watched you at church tonight and my heart was filled with joy. Of course there were tears you shed as you remember this very day 5 years ago, however the happiness you radiated was simply contagious. As Phil stated, it’s about from this day forward. Your future is so bright and I thank you for sharing your journey with the world. I love visually seeing love blossom in your heart again. Thank you.
Carol Longenecker Hiestand says:
it seems to be a healthy place to be Tricia. I have thought much of you and prayed for you. these last few days.
LWinter says:
A few of us here raised a glass in celebration of a special life today.
Patty Kline says:
You may always need to keep the tissue box handy when you watch this particular movie, but being able to do it without feeling it’s still an active, living trauma is a very good thing. Let the tears flow freely, and many hugs to you today, Tricia.
Janet Lynne Billson says:
I’m so sorry, Tricia. Yet very glad that although you are sad, you are recalling the events like a movie reel, instead of an active trauma.