August 5, 2015

Things I Want To Tell You

There are things I want to tell you.  Except for this dialogue in my head.

Part of me has thought, “It's different now, Tricia.  The pond is bigger and the readers are louder and it's not always fun.  Anyway, people don’t want to hear your wanderings and meanderings.  You may become too loud, too much, a voice in their spam box.  They might delete you, or they might just disagree with you.”  

But the deeper part of me, the anchored part that knew you before the world knew me, says, “Yes, Trish, maybe they do.  Don’t let the hecklers silence you.  Remember how all of this started?  Just your thoughts on paper.  Just continue the conversation.”

See, there was a time when I wrote about a little something every day, big or small, profound or not, deep or shallow, lasting or fleeting.  I don’t do that as much anymore, and I’d like to change that.  There was a time when the blog was sweet and simple, and I want to keep that little smiling daisy in a glass.

And so, with that said, since there was a time when I would have signed on just to say this, I will now tell you: you guys, today was terrible.  It was terrible. 

We went back to the hospital to get Tucker’s pins and stitches out.

(...)

Actually, nix what I said above.  I mean, not the part about wanting to tell you things, but the part about actually saying it.  Because I was just going to write about it, but then I got nauseous from all that today has held for us. 

Jana the therapist would probably say that’s an indication that my body, mind, and spirit have had enough for one day, and I’m not even the patient in today’s scenario. 

Actually, I am Jana’s patient.  And let’s thank the Lord for that.

Anyway, there are things I want to tell you.  I shall start again soon.

Tomorrow, I will begin with the tale of how I was the fiercest Mama Bear today.  Because in case there was any question, I sure as hell can be. 

Sure as hell.

8 comments on “Things I Want To Tell You”

  1. "Just your thoughts on paper. Just continue the conversation.”

    Yes. That. Continue the conversation.

    Write what God gives you to write, not what you think others want to hear. Your story is the gift you have to give the world. YOUR story. Not a story edited for/by the masses, because then it would no longer be YOUR story.

  2. Keep telling. So few bloggers tell their stories anymore without advice or instruction or mission other than just expression. There is time and place for that, but a lot of the story tellers I used to follow on blogs are done telling their stories, and I think you're one of two storytellers I still have to read. Of course, it's not about me! But your voice and the way you express it is valuable. Do tell! 🙂

  3. I wish I could be as open and honest as you. You inspire me. I am so sorry about what you are going through. You are amazing and so strong. You have my prayers and support. Love. Darah's mom

  4. Tricia, please keep telling us. I look forward to your posts and you write them so well! Tell us, please!

  5. I too enjoy reading your posts. You are an amazing woman with a very big God watching over her. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! Carry on!

  6. Tricia, please do continue to write to us because I read your blog regularly and I am very interested in your story. I pray for you. I pray for your boys. I pray for your grief process.

    I, like everybody else, need to know that life is made up of the good, the bad and the ugly, as well as everything in-between, and none of that means we are necessarily bad or sinful, neglectful, or just plain strange. None of that. We are just human beans (I purposely call us "beans") doing our best and getting through whatever that turns out to be. Trusting in God along the way is hugely helpful but does not mean we are immune to [stuff]. But you know that.

    Just know that we want to hear from you and you are doing a great job.

  7. Been there, done that. With the pins-sticking-out-like-a-pincushion, that is. SO sorry you all had to face this, but SO glad YOU DA MOMMA BEAR! You done good.

  8. Bless you Tricia! I'm so sorry that you're going through such a terrible time! Ugh! It's awful watching your children going through all of this! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
    P.S. I love reading your blog!

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