“Why Aren’t You Married?”

Here’s a favorite question for those of us who are single:

“Why aren’t you married yet?  I just can’t figure it out.”

Let me tell you the subtext of this question.

“Why aren’t you married?  I mean, you look like you’d be a reasonably desirable person, so why hasn’t someone snatched you right up?  You must have some hidden baggage or issues that only emerges when you’re in a relationship long enough for such skeletons to step out.  It’s probably that.  It’s probably that I just can’t see what’s wrong with you.  Because you look like someone who should be married, and you’re not, and that just puzzles me.”

We don’t know why we’re not married.

Unless we don’t want to be, since marriage is not in fact the end-all-be-all of life, even though all the married folks want all the singles to join the club as quickly as possible.  They wonder why we haven’t yet, or why we haven’t dove in again.

(I was married.  I was guilty of this presumption.)

Our culture creates space for couples first.  So many things in pairs.  One for yourself, one to share. His and hers.  It seems like everybody’s waiting to cross the finish line of the singles’ race.

Ultimately, we don’t know why.

***

Girls are like apples on trees.  The best ones are at the top of the tree.  It can be scary for a man to go for the good ones because might fall and get hurt. Instead, he takes the apples from the ground that might not be as great on the inside, but they’re easy to find and hold.  So the apples at the top of the tree think something is wrong with them, but in reality, they are amazing.  They just have to wait for the right one to come along, one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

~ anonymous