“I just want one good date with Crosby Braverman.”

“Trish, I don’t want you to date Crosby Braverman.”

“I didn’t say I want to date him. I just want to go on one date with him. I know it would be great.”

“Why not Adam? Why not Joel?”

“I would love to have great conversations with Adam and time alone with Joel. And I would like a date with Crosby.”

“You know he’s never going to grow up. He’s the baby of the family. He will never take responsibility for his life or anything else.”

“I do not receive that statement. I’m watching the early years on Netflix, all in an effort to keep my heart from breaking over the finale at the end of this season. Everybody else will be all sad, and I’ll be all, ‘Whatev, I’m on season 2, everybody. I’ve got years left with these people. Years, I tell you.'”

“And do you think that will help?”

“No. I do not. Anyway, I’m watching the first season, when Crosby is all young and great, and Adam asks him what restaurant he should take these young colleagues to. Crosby gives him this great hot spot, and he says, ‘You’ll love it. Well, they’ll love it.’ And a man who knows restaurants like that would plan a really, really great date.”

“You just want to visit his houseboat.”

“True story.”

“You do realize he doesn’t have the houseboat anymore?”

“Yes, because now he lives in his stupid house with his stupid wife.”

“But she’s the responsible one.”

“Not in the early years. She’s just a jerk who knew she was having Crosby’s baby but she didn’t tell anyone and she let them all think he knew but didn’t care. And she’s rude and mean and that makes me just not like her. But I probably don’t like her because she’s married to Crosby, which means I really shouldn’t like Kristen Bell because she’s married to Dax Shepard, but I do kind of have a crush on her and her remarkable husband.”

Silence.

“Tricia, this conversation, however fascinating, is actually starting to concern me.”

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