April 15, 2014

Why Does the Whole Idea of Heaven Make Me Mad?

Why can't I just delight in the joy of heaven and the truth that it's there? Why do I resist it?

welcome to heaven and paradise

Or more accurately, why does the whole idea make me mad sometimes?

Heaven is for real, and the movie will be released this week: Colton Burpo's story of going to heaven and back before he was five years old. And I just really don't want to watch it. I believe Colton and his family have every reason to speak truth, and I have no reason to question it. It's not that I disagree. But I resist it.

I had tickets to see The Thorn, an easter depiction of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. I had heard that there was a montage of the miracles Jesus performed, so I didn't go to the show. I didn't have the emotional capacity to watch Jesus heal Jairus's daughter and bring her back to life. I resist it.

The story of Lazarus, the man who was legitimately dead for four days before Jesus restored his breath, brought him back, and then it was only a matter of taking off the toilet-paper-like tomb clothes.

Heaven is for real, and yet I resist all these tellings of this place I believe in. I resist this notion that God can prevent death, even reverse it. I need to lean into this, push my thumb into this sore muscle until I figure out why it hurts.

No neat and tidy answers in this piece, my friends.  No conclusion, morals, or lovely takeaway.  Nope.

Today, I can only give you a girl who would rather not study a travel brochure to a place she doesn't get to go anytime soon.

8 comments on “Why Does the Whole Idea of Heaven Make Me Mad?”

  1. Nothing wrong with feeling that way. Knowing where you're coming from it's completely understandable. I think it's important to understand the perspectives of people who are coming from a different place. I appreciate that you continue to share your heart. It's helped me understand others better. Hugs and prayers to you this Easter season and always.

  2. Oh Tricia. I get it. The message that often seems goes along w heaven is that now we shouldn't feel so bad. Because we have heaven. We'll I am glad we do but it hurts a LOT. it was a LONG time before I could listen to "I can only imagine"(after my brother died). . Still often don't when it comes on. It's good to pay attention to these things. Sometimes it just is. Keep being honest with God as you are. He will teach you

  3. Tricia-I can SO relate. Our son, Samuel, was born & died on March 7, 2004. Easter was only a few weeks away & some friends gave us tickets to a local theatre production about Jesus. The Lazarus scene tore me to shreds. It still makes me angry, sad, & feeling like I should vomit when I think of it.
    The idea that God COULD have intervened but didn't is often too much for this momma's heart to take. I won't try to offer some flippant advice but know that sometimes it just sucks and sometimes it doesn't (but you already know that!!)
    Love you!!

  4. Tricia, you always speak the words that are on my heart. I feel this same way, since I lost my own husband. It makes me so angry sometimes, thinking that God could, even still, bring him back, and he chooses not to. Thank you for being so honest and open. It helps me to know others feel the same feelings I do, at times.

  5. I hear you. Same reason I still can't listen to "I Can Only Imagine" (although it's a beautiful song), and I don't like reading the story of Jesus raising the widow's only son because He didn't do that for my mom-who is also a widow-when she lost her only son, my only brother. It's just hard. I've surrendered to the sovereignty of God in this, but it's still just hard. I don't need or want the reminders of what we lost.

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