I have been shamed. I’m only now realizing this.  I have been shamed by women for following the teachings of other women.

I’ve been encouraged to leadershipothink bigger, as if the women who champion today’s evangelical subculture aren’t thinkers.

It’s almost an anti-feminist movement, really.  These voices who have spoken into my life want so much more for women, so they ask me to stop thinking like one.  Kind of a miserable dichotomy.

I have heard, Break the mold, Tricia. Don’t step into the stereotype of the nice, kind, sweet homemaking Christian woman.  I have been challenged to think more, to defy all the definitions. As if women who are nice, kind, sweet, and (God bless them) homemaking aren’t thinking, aren’t authentic.

As if these women after God’s own heart are not deep thinkers.
As if they live inside definitions and stereotypes.  As if they are not real, true, authentic.

I am among the loudest to say that too often women’s ministry has been deduced to tea parties and fashion shows and pastel table cloths and potlucks and crafts.

Women are thinking. And we appreciate those who recognize us as thinkers.

As I study and learn and lean into this next chapter of my life, I find these shaming words in my head. The scorn. Shame. Against all things feminine. And I am confused, wondering if I am making decisions and shaping myself the way God wants me to, the way other leaders want me to, or if I am leaning away from what is before me because someone told me it’s simple thinking, less than, made for women.

God,
I long to think on the thoughts you have for me. I long to live within your definition of me.
And Life Comes Back releases in a number of hours, and God I beg you to let this great wave carry the name of Jesus into the world. And as I ask you to bring yourself to the world, I bring myself to you.

Define me.

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