That moment - actually, a full day that can consume the days around it - when the calendar unfolds to the birthday of someone you have loved.
Not someone you have loved who is gone now. No, someone you have loved who is very much here and very much celebrating with other people who are not you.
That moment when you want to celebrate with them, send flowers or a gift or a balloon or an inside joke, and you decide you can't because the gift isn't greater than the mixed messages and the follow up conversations to come that will only break your heart.
That moment. That day. When you choose not to obey your heart.