Verbatim

I straightened my hair a few days ago.  I do this a couple of times a year, and it always seems like a fine idea - until a few hours later.  Then I end up with hair that's neither curly nor straight, and I feel like an impostor wearing a costume.

I'm not a straight-haired girl.  Someday I will realize this.

"How'd you get your hair to do that, anyway?"  Tyler scowled.

"I used a flat iron.  It's like a curling iron, except instead of making my hair curlier, it makes it straight and flat."

"Oh!  Mommy!  I saw something on TV you need!  It straightens your hair in less than twenty seconds.  And it's two easy payments of $14.99, and if you call now you can double your order for no additional cost."

Ah, yes.  Thank you, Cartoon Network informercials.  He is also onto CustomInk t-shirts ("Mommy!  Free shipping!") and Shimmer Body Art ("It's hypo allergenic and lasts for up to seven days, Mommy!")

I wonder how I might know if the TV has been on a lot lately.