There is a lightness to my spirit this morning.
There is a deep joy.
The same emotions woke me as nearly every morning, but then I decided I didn't want to invite them into my day.
What if I leave this monster of Depression at home today? Or better yet, what if I just cast him aside, so he won't be waiting for me when I come back home? What if I don't bring him with me? What if I take a day off?
And so I am. Taking a day off. Sorrow, find your own path today. I'm forging a new one.
In the face of depression, I realize, sadness is not a choice. It is a consuming state of being. So maybe the long-awaited meds are doing what they're supposed to do. Because this is the first time - in a long while - that I have been aware of an option.
Today I must be swimming near the top of the lake. Maybe even a backfloat in the sunshine.
Starbucks released the beauty of their red cups today. And the 'same great sleeve' has a new design: Rekindle the season.
And so, what if I do? What if I embrace all things holiday? What if I do it big and right and with a joyful spirit? What if I do?
I think I want to. Maybe it's possible. Maybe it starts today.
Return, O Lord, and rescue me.
Save me because of your unfailing love.
The Lord has heard my weeping.
The Lord has heard my plea.
The Lord will answer my prayer.
May all my enemies (depression, anxiety, fear)
be disgraced and terrified.
May they suddenly turn back in shame.
Welcome, November 1, with your red cups and Target commercials and joy that beckons me as a mission, should I choose to accept it.
I choose. I choose joy.
I'm glad, Tricia, for the possibility of joy for you and the ability to choose it. I'm doing that, too. I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year, the first holiday meal I will have hosted since Dwight died 2 years ago. I already decorated the dining room for it a few weeks ago, just to reinforce the decision! (And I've planned a coloring contest for everyone, adults and kids alike!) I also plan to fully decorate for Christmas this year, not just do the "oh, I guess I'll do a little bit, sigh..." thing, and bring back the holiday joy to this house!
Beautiful, Tricia, I lost my Momma in Sept 2012, hope and pray to someday be able to feel this way, very thankful you have found your way. You amaze me as I am sure you do countless others. Thank you so much for sharing your true feelings with us, it is such raw emotion to put out there, I struggle every day to just get through the day with no tears, pretty sure that's not going to happen anytime soon, for 49 years I was BLESSED to share every day with mom, she is a part of my entire life.... So hard to find my way without her, I will follow in her light, she will guide me. God Bless you and thanks again for sharing your world.
Me too. Can we, simply by choosing, make joy our own? I intend to find out with you. To stop thinking that having REASONS, good reason to be sad should mean that I HAVE to be sad. Every moment, every day. I'm on a mission of joy with you. Thanks for framing it up that way. I accept. For today. Right now. Bring on the holidays! Thanks for this challenging post!
I call this "Red Cup Day" every year......