“Mommy, when you find my new daddy, I think you won’t be sad anymore.”

Well, my sweet child, I do understand what you mean and what you hope for.  Because you are too young to understand the complexities of love and healing and commitments and shared life, I simply smile and kiss you on your downy head.

The truth is, if and when the new daddy and I find each other, that’s a gift I intend to give him: he won’t have to fill a void.  It won’t be his task to replace what has been lost, to heal my heart, to create my joy.

There will be a new place that will be all his, and there will be new joy for our family to find together.

And sometimes, I’ll still cry.  And when I do, it will still be okay.

* * *

‘Tis a fearful thing
To love
What death can touch.
To love, to hope, to dream,
And oh, to lose.
A thing for fools, this,
But a holy thing,
To love what death can touch.

For your life has lived in me;
Your laugh once lifted me;
Your word was a gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.

‘Tis a human thing, love,
A holy thing,
To love
What death can touch.

~ Judah Halevi or Emanuel of Rome

12th Century

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