June 1, 2012

Faith is not anesthesia.

Faith does not make anything hurt less.
The promise of heaven doesn't make it nearer to me.
There is strength and courage in faith,
but there is not anesthesia.

Even now, I cannot say that I am healed.
Part of my heart is no longer mine;
I gave it to Robb, and he took it with him.
I will forever feel that amputation.*

But I can say I have embraced my grief.
I have walked boldly alongside this unwanted friend,
allowing it to do its work in me.

And this has been one of the most important decisions of my life.

* Nancy Guthrie and Gregory Floyd have each written books on the grief of loss, as they have each grieved the death of children.  Here, I have borrowed their words, as I can speak this sentiment with no more grace than they.

3 comments on “Faith is not anesthesia.”

  1. Recently watched the movie "Courageous"---won't spoil it in case you didn't see it (btw, you might not be ready to----I recall when you and a friend went to the theater and you were totally caught off-guard by a tragic death scene)----loved the line something about "are you going to be angry for what you didn't have or thankful for what you did have?"
    That question is so applicable in many areas of life.

  2. So true. I read a quote somewhere after I lost my husband to cancer that said, " you can either throw in the towel or use it to wipe the sweat from your brow." It is hard work moving forward, the small things can get you and turn an ok day upside down. I am strong because that is what he would want me to be. Thanks for all your beautiful thoughts. They help me so much.

  3. So so true. People have told me that understand how I moved "on" after we lost our 4 month old.. it isn't moving on but moving forward. I like how you describe it as walking alongside afterall none of us have chosen this path and you have to choose to either curl up and shelter yourself or stand up boldly - I too chose option 2. I continue to admire your strength.

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