If there is one great fruit that has come from my journey of loss, depression, shattering, rebuilding, falling again, and living in confusion,
it is trust.
I do not say this as a noble acquisition: look at me and how well I trust.
I say it with a spirit of relinquishing: I have no other choice but to trust.
The sun still rises and sets.
The earth still spins on its axis.
Seasons still come and go,
sometimes all four of them in a single day.
"We often presume that trust will dispel the confusion, illuminate the darkness, vanquish the uncertainty, and redeem the times. But the crowd of witnesses in Hebrews 11 testifies that this is not the case. Our trust does not bring final clarity on this earth. It does not still the chaos or dull the pain or provide the crutch. When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross, 'Into your hands I commit my spirit.' "
~ Brennan Manning,
I am still confused, lost, uncertain and unsure.
And so what choice do I have, but to trust with every fiber of my being?
Jesus, into your hands I commit my spirit.
* * *
"Can you not buy five sparrows for two pennies? And yet not one is forgotten in God's sight. Why, every hair on your head has been counted. There is no need to be afraid; you are worth more than hundreds of sparrows."
~ Angelus Silesius,
paraphrasing Luke 12:6-7